My friend Ron put up a good post about how a story changes with time. I feel like that is happening with my book. It has changed and changed again. It–there I go using an unclear pronoun. It, the meaning of the book has changed and so has how I feel about it.
There are some people you spend a year with and really know and then meet again a year later and feel strange around. I feel strange around Claire, Guy, Shane and the rest of the people in my book. It’s like a reunion that I missed out on some of the information everyone else knows.
But, I have been thinking about them from out of nowhere. I welcome them and want to see inside deeper into their lives and how their lives have changed. It makes sense. I am changing.
I’ve been trying to work with them over this past year, but I was trying to work with who they were before and not giving them space to grow, deepen or hate me.
Alas, will I ever learn that when I’m slogging uphill, I’m trying to force something?
whether it’s in writing, relationships, yoga, life…
Surrender is an interesting practice. I was so upset that Wise One wasn’t getting her sleep. (Days of being angry or sad and knowing I didn’t need to be. That it was silly to be so mad about it.) I was rocking her on my lap in our blue La-z-Boy. She was refusing to sleep. I kept rocking, closed my eyes, was crying silently and finally (I know, why does it take me so long?) thought , “Oh God, I can’t keep pushing against this. I can’t do this anymore. I don’t know how, but I surrender.” I opened my eyes and she was asleep, in less than a minute. We change when we surrender and we allow that which is around us to flow into its true state. Her sleep is normalizing back into the routine she was in before. She is happier and wants to spend more time by herself creating or reading.
The feeling has to be there. In art, we must surrender for it to be art, authentic in its true state. And art is any part of our lives that we allow or recognize to be in its true essence, that we appreciate as it is and allow to flow.
And now, I will remind myself to be wary anytime I think I know something.
I’m experiencing one of those times where I feel like I’m stumbling around in a jungle without knowing where I want to go.
I have a wonderful life with loving family and oh so many options and opportunities.
But, where do I want to go?
Okay, I know, Enlightenment. But the pet ego still wants to sidetrack, too.
My mind is a little boggled, muddled by too many dark chocolate covered almonds.
My first stop is to make a gratitude list. Okay, my first stop may be to drink plenty of water, then a gratitude list. If I then have enough clarity and will, I will brainstorm a goals list. If not, then I need to write out all these things big and tiny (and everywhere in between) that are undone, festering, in the way, to do, to do, to do.
Sure I’d like to have ten million dollars, but why? To hire people to take care of those things that are undone, festering, in the way. To feel a sense of ease.
I am happy but also covered with befuddlement swinging through the trees overhead.
May you know peace and clarity. May you be happy and free.
If you aren’t already receiving Publisher’s Lunch, then you may not know this.
On March 18th, 2009, Google and Sony agreed to distribute half a million titles, all public domain classics published before 1923. These titles will be distributed through the Sony Reader freely to the consumer. “We have focused our efforts on offering an open platform and making it easy to find as much content as possible – from our store or others – whether that content is purchased, borrowed or free,” said Steve Haber, president of the Digital Reading Business Division at Sony Electronics, in the accompanying release. “Working with Google, we can offer book lovers another avenue for free books while still providing a seamless experience from our store.”
Adam Smith, product management director said, “We founded Google Book Search on the premise that anyone, anywhere, anytime should have the tools to explore the great works of history and culture—and not just when they happen to be at a computer.”
Amen to that.
And, as support to help readers access ebooks, I’m working at putting a widget in this blog somewhere, so you can access free books from here, too. Wish me luck.
I have been thinking about doing a post on Renaissance Men and Women for about six months. I though I would start with William Blake and do only one post, but wonderfully, there are many Renaissance people!
I am now watching Half Past Autumn: Gordon Parks, inspired to share it with you, to want the possibility that I am unlimited. Check it out for inspiration, to see some great photographs and hear some great music plus.
Gordon Parks-photographer, composer, musician, poet, writer, film director, choreographer-a Renaissance man, lived a full life. One of his daughter’s said he had a fever. His creative fever took him to many places and away from his family.
From the movie, many things fell into place in his life after he picked up a camera. Of course, he also showed cajones and took risks: Walked into places without appointments and persevered until someone looked at his work. And he did all this at a time during the late fifties and sixties during times of segregation and the Civil Rights movement.
An editor at Harper and Rowe told him to write a book. He said he couldn’t, that he never had. He told him to go home and try it over the weekend. Parks said okay. He wrote only seven triple-spaced pages that weekend, but received a deal any way with a great $10,000 (lots of bucks then) advance. He ended up writing 14 books, just from saying okay and trying it. Of course he put in the work writing, too.
He was a composer and musician without any formal training.
I want to let go of the ridiculous stigma that we all have to have the training, formality, formal education (he never graduated from high school), degrees, perfect letters. Some people have “the fever” and create not only their masterpieces, but their opportunities, too.
Follow your fever through March. Let me know where it takes you.
I ask myself, “What can I do today?” A note, a page, a sentence. I want the office setting and Claire’s emotions. That’s what I’ll do today. And you. What can you do today? Even just in a commercial break, or sitting on the pot? Oschner keeps post it notes in her bathroom and writes the feelings, sensations, smells, sounds, of a scene.
What can you do today for yourself, for your creative output?
Seems my party never ends. We just celebrated my January birthday at the lake this past weekend. BBQ chicken (homemade BBQ sauce-Thanks Dad!), Dump Cake (Thanks Terry!) and loads of never before thought of by me, conversation. My family is gifted, creative and original. (okay, maybe everyone thinks their family and relatives are originals.)
I received fantastic gifts and most important, people showed up. They were all family plus Cassie’s friend (who came because of Cassie). They came!!!
Wind stormed the house, juggled the waves, soothed Wise One (my baby).
I didn’t write a thing nor take many pictures (just 36 or so-an old-fashioned roll), but I enjoyed being with everyone and learning more about them all.
Truly, my family is very creative. I want to remember to encourage that in the younger members. They are all talented and could be artists, photographers, actors and/or writers. I don’t want to be a naysayer to people, not let them take their own risks. Iwant to give them support to create, take risks in whatever they want to do.
Perhaps, I could be a more successful role model. Or, maybe, I’m a great role model because I’m happy. Okay, I’m a good role model in some areas, but not so good in other areas. Human, durnit.
And the creative lesson is? Hmmmmm. Don’t underestimate what you give to others by following your own passion!
It’s dark out, Hubby is gently snoring, the house is silent otherwise. Time for bed (if I can quiet my head.)
The camera came, one small package. And yes, a man delivered it in brown shorts. I took a few great pictures of family. Later, I accidentally formatted the SD memory card. Boo hoo. Alas, I can take more pictures. But, so much for fiddling with it before reading and while giddy with excitement.
Sunday I went out to shoot.
And I felt scared. Aw man. Now I’m “serious” about taking pictures, so I was scared. Ha ha. I don’t want to be serious, I want to have fun.
Posing a picture in the mind is good for writers and writing scenes. What are the brackets or boundaries of the shot of a scene? How much exposure is needed? Is the shot clear or blurry? Does the background distract from the focus?
I did shoot on Sunday. (And I drove my family crazy on Friday and Saturday.)
I enjoy driving around with the camera on the seat beside me, ready for action. I read that the biggest secret of photography is to carry your camera with you all the time. Hmmmm, kind of like, take a notebook and a pen with you wherever you go.
I am so excited; My new camera is arriving today! Yes, today! Tracking shows it left this morning at 4:36 A.M. on a truck to be delivered. It’s almost 1 P.M. here. It’s coming. Any minute someone in a brown shirt and brown shorts (this is Texas) could ring my bell and deliver–Ta Da– the goods, the camera.
I am so excited because I know very little about taking pictures. I am not bogged down by rules and expectations and perfectionism; I am ignorant and free!!!!!!!!!!
I remember feeling this way about writing as I rushed through the writing of my first book. Oh Joy! Oh Fun!
But even then, I had expectations of being published someday. With photography, I don’t expect anything. Okay, just a lot of fun and mistakes, and wows and slideshows for the family.
I’m sitting in the office looking out the front window of the house. That big brown truck will pull up any minute.
We just celebrated my January birthday at the lake this past weekend. BBQ chicken (homemade BBQ sauce-Thanks Dad!), Dump Cake (Thanks Terry!) and loads of never before thought of by me, conversation. My family is gifted, creative and original. (okay, maybe everyone thinks their family and relatives are originals.)
This site is to encourage and support writers and other artists and to express myself.
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