Tension

Tomorrow is Day One of the High Tension Workshop given by Donald Maass.

“A three-and-a-half day course devoted to the creation of breathtaking, page-turning fiction!”

We’ll be discussing Micro-Tension.

I’m excited and tense just thinking about it.

Suicide Hotline Numbers and Links

Suicide is real and some people think it’s the only answer. If you googled suicide because you’re thinking about it, wondering about it, trying it, or wanting to try it, and came upon this page,

Here’s some phone numbers. They are all open 24 hours, 7 days a week.

National Suicide # 1-800-suicide (1-800-784-2433)

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255) (call to talk about suicide, loneliness, depression, substance abuse, violence and abuse in your life, family problems, homelessness, sexual orientation, financial problems, to help someone else, for information about above…) TTY number: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889)

Travis County (includes Austin) local number 1-512-472-HELP (1-512-472-4357) TTY number: 1-512-703-1395

Teen Education And Crisis Hotline (for suicide, alcoholism, drug use, loneliness, depression, family problems of all kinds)    1-800-367-7287

I worked on a Hotline and I can tell you this, the person on the other end of the phone line is human just like you and cares about you. If you are even thinking about it, call now. Don’t wait, because it could be too late. I don’t want that.

I once heard that there are at least 33 solutions to every problem. From one viewpoint, I may see only one solution, but just talking to someone else may show me a few more.

You are valuable.

Here’s some other links that may help.

Suicide.org

SAVE Suicide Awareness Voices of Education

If you think someone around you may be suicidal

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention

If you’ve lost someone to suicide

American Foundation for Suicide Prevention-Coping with the loss

If you are looking for help, answers, to change how you feel, Pick up the phone and call somebody that will listen to you.

Still here?

Go take a walk outside or around the space you are in. Notice everything that is bigger than you. Then, notice everything that is smaller than you.

Pick up the phone. Dial one of the numbers. When someone answers, Say “HI.” Say, “I don’t know what to say.” Listen or keep talking. You never have to say your name.

You do not have to end your life to end the way you feel right now or to solve some problem. Let this be a beginning for you.

I do really care about you. You matter.

10 Reasons not to slit my wrists

I feel like ranting, but I have nothing to rant about. I could probably manufacture something. I have to face it; My life is awesome. I am a writer. I am loved.

(If you are really contemplating suicide, please see the next post.)

Today, Saturday was my workday, the one day during the week where most wonderful Husband in the world watches Wise One so I can freely play with letters, words, books, fantasies, imagination and even hang upside down from a tree until my face is so full of blood I feel like my head is a water balloon full of liquid iron.

I want to rant because I screwed up. My fingers didn’t play with keys bearing alphabetical letters. I read. I read a scary book, Gerald’s Game, from which I tried to wrest the secrets of tension and suspense. Before that, I ran an errand to Central Market to pick up Designer Whey Chocolate Protein. (Whole Foods doesn’t carry the chocolate.) I spent too much time there, roaming around, trying on the different facial moisturizers, choosing the exactly perfect package of Miles of Chocolate Brownie (oh Gawd, that’s orgasmic).

Did I learn about writing today? Of course. Everyday we notice the closed windows with the sheets for curtains, one a faded baby blue, the other white, we are improving our writing skills.

But, today, I decided my work was crap. Can I say that on this not-marked-mature blog? We do that don’t we?Ido it. I can’t believe I thought this crap was worth something.  Luckily, I’m in the revision stage. I haven’t turned it in to any editors or agents. I have plenty of time to make it even better. No, it isn’t crap.

Tomorrow, I’ll look at it differently. I am so grateful to be me. To write. To think it’s crap and to think it’s great.

Ten things to tell myself so I don’t slit my wrists…(this is a joke, I grew up a Catholic and that whole not taking your own life or you burn in hellfire for eternity has stayed with me)

1. I’ll burn in hellfire for eternity if I do.

2. Chocolate exists.

3. Chocolate exists here in my hands.

4.Chocolate exists here in my mouth, on my tongue.

5. I have a loving family.

6. I am a good writer. I’ve seen my improvement over the last ten years.

7. Crap is a judgement, an opinion and I certainly can’t speak for everyone.

8. I’m in the revision stage.

9. There’s nothing wrong with crap. Everybody does it.

10.I am a creator made in the image and likeness of God and if I let go and flow, dream the work, then it is impossible for it not to have value. My work is valuable.

Here’s a success of mine. Today i learned that sometimes a flashback in scene is more interesting than the scene I’m in. (learned from reading Setterfield and King) I learned that a slurp can be terrifying(from Stephen King).

 So please keep writing, keep revising, keep flowing with your process. Send me your feel good days. Send in your successes, no matter how small.

I’m reading

I’m reading The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid, but not really enjoying it. It’s okay, and reveals mucho info about the 50s. Of course I’m still early in the book.

I’m reading The Lightning Thief by Rick Riordan and want to stop writing this blog, so I can pick it up and see what will happen next. A good story to learn bounce from. Bounce, something at the end of a chapter that makes you want to keep reading. Fun reading. Quick pace.

I’m reading,well, listening to the CDs from The Thirteenth Tale by Diane Setterfield. It took me a few “pages” to get into it, but now I am thoroughly drawn in by the voice and the language. One good thing about CDs. I can listen to a CD over again to learn from the book. It’s easier for me to hear Setterfield’s repetition of hands, claws, fingers, fingernails. I can more easily take in the rhythm and Setterfield’s use of language. Usually, if I’m reading a book, I read to the end and then try to read again to learn more from it. (Not as interesting if I already know the ending.) With a CD, there’s a spot at the end of each CD that allows me to listen to that CD again. The biggest secrets are still not revealed.

Soon, I will pick up Gerald’s Game by Stephen King again. I dread it (and am secretly, lustfully excited about it). I enjoyed, and stressed out, and was terrified through my first read of it. This book will teach you suspense and tension. Definitely a can’t-put-down-until-you’ve-finished book. Even after I finished, I held onto it. Vivid scenes stay with me years later.

Protagonist Part 2

 

There is so much to say about character. I set myself up (Awww Man!)  by creating a Protagonist Part 1, now I have the sublime opportunity (sarcasm) to write more about the protagonist. Actually, I learn so much by remembering, researching, and studying so that I can give you a decent entry.  Thank you.

 

All characters have something in common. Like most people, characters yearn. They yearn for the tangible and/or the intangible. This is the most important trait of your characters. Without it, readers are likely to put the book down. Most of the time, I don’t know my protagonist’s yearning until after I’ve read a few chapters. But, I’ll savor yearning and give it its own entry because it is so important.

 

Sometimes our protagonist and other characters come to us almost whole with complete physical characteristics, an individual voice, specific ways of acting, personality, inherent conflict and yearning.

 

But other times, I may just hear a tiny voice that bugs me every once in a while. It’s as if she wants to be heard, but doesn’t want to feel the pain that comes with telling her story.

 

Sometimes, someone knows what the idea of his story or novel is, but the characters aren’t quite there yet. A whole structure needs to be built. In The Marshall Plan for Novel Writing, Evan Marshall recommends that before you begin your novel, define your character with a Character Fact List:

Define the character’s story goal—what she wants to do to solve the story’s crisis.

Then record things like gender, age, appearance, personality, ticks, background information, strengths and weaknesses.

You can write up what your character likes to wear, drink, eat. The last time he was in a fight. How old he was when his mom quit breastfeeding.

 

In Your First Novel, Laura Whitcomb mentions patterning your characters after real people, and if not, then “choose the sex, age, occupation, ethnicity, and social seat that would work best for your idea.” Choose the characteristics that might “spice up your story.” She says that the main characters should all have a main drive, an issue that adds tension to the drive, and a characteristic or fact that contrasts the main drive so much that it changes our opinion about, or enhances our understanding of the main character. 

 

 

I write letters. Characters will be talking to me or showing up when I close my eyes, but not saying anything. I begin the novel and find out about them as I go. This is how I write best, when I can discover something new each time I sit to work. Guy (pronounced “ghee”) was a walking geometric brick tower, all squares and rectangle blocks stacked on top of each other. Hard. But with intense, piercing eyes. As I wrote, I discovered his true career, his passion, his background. Whenever I felt lost with one of my characters, I wrote him or her a letter. Then kept my pen moving as he or she wrote back.

 

Another good resource for characters is DREAMS. Keep that pen and paper by the bed and write those soggy scenes, heavy scenes, unreasonable scenes down.

 

Don’t forget to listen for those heroic qualities. I used Maass’ exercise, but now that I’ve written this, I think I’ll write Claire a letter and find out more about her heroic qualities.

 

 

It’s okay to spend hours and reams of paper building a relationship with a character. Just make sure you don’t use all the data in your novel. The character will be more who he really is if you know who he is.

 

(If using lots of paper bothers you, you can donate money to saving a rainforest, plant a tree and reuse and recycle.)

 

                  

About character description, Whitcomb says, “Describe him as if you were spying on him unawares, focusing your telescope on one drop of sweat on his temple, one trigger finger held still in his pocket, or one tear at a time.”

 

What’s up

I joined a book club. I walked into a B&N, followed a feeling and there, a group of women sat laughing and talking about a book. I liked the energy, but I ducked away, embarrassed before they could see any longing in my eyes.

I heard someone mention The Magician’s Assistant by Ann Patchett which is a beautiful journey and I said something about it. I was invited to join, but I waved it off, went to the children’s section to pick up Picnic with Monet for Wise One.

But, and I pat myself on the back for this, before I left, I asked if I could sit with the group. Next, we will read Bill Bryson’s The Life and Times of the Thunderbolt Kid. These women were wonderful, welcoming, funny, and open.

Beyond making new friends and belonging to something book-related and full of good energy, I’m hoping I can really enjoy reading again. For too long, I read as a reader, as a writer watching the reader, and as a distant observer watching the writer and reader reading. Some books, I can still get lost in for a little bit of time, but… Usually, I’m too vigilant. I listen to the book, watch its form, how the letters appear on the page, check each verb, get mad about a turn of phrase or a cliche’. Some days, I challenge the purpose of each word. Why is it here in the book, and why in this spot?

I will learn much from hearing the viewpoint of other intelligent people about books I have a viewpoint on.

Happy Reading and Writing.

Have any of you been a part of a book club?  What did you learn from it? What did you give to it?

A quote from Chekhov

Anton wrote a letter to his publisher, Alexei Suvorin, in late October of 1888.

In it, he said what I believe so many of us writers think, at least in part.

“Everything I have written up to now is trifling compared to that which I would like to write and would write with great pleasure.”

“Either I am a fool and a self-conceited person, or I am a being capable of becoming a good writer; I am displeased and bored with everything now being written, while everything in my head interests, moves, and excites me–whence I draw the conclusion that no one is doing what is needed, and I alone know the secret of how it should be done. In all likelihood everyone who writes thinks that. The devil himself will be brought to his knees by these questions.”

You can read 201 of Anton Chekhov’s stories for free thanks to James Rusk and many more that supported this project.

New Old Books

Time slipped back and forward as I breathed in the must accumulated from the late 1890s. I stood–in a friendship hall of a Holy church during a bazaar–inhaling books.

I found a box nearby and began to fill it with these treasures. Each book cost only a dollar! I stopped in for a couple of pairs of pants for Wise One and lost myself in other worlds from other times.

Some of my newly acquired jewels

• Funeral Sermons and Outlines: An Aid for Pastors  Copyright 1899 Wilbur B. Ketcham (ed) “To count the pulsations of the heart, as the tick of the clock that draws towards cessation.”
• Treasure Island with black and white and colored pictures  Robert Louis Stevenson  1924 “Fifteen men on the dead man’s chest,/Yo-ho-ho and a bottle of rum!” 
• Charlie Chan Omnibus (three novels in one) 1932 Earl Derr Biggers “The shadows cast by the tall cocoanut palms lengthened and deepened, the light of the falling sun flamed on Diamond Head and tinted with gold the rollers sweeping in from the coral reef.”
• Short Stories by Alexandre Dumas 1927  “Battles are not won with a map, a pair of compasses, and red, blue or green-headed pins. It needs instinct, an unerring glance, genius.”
• Tom Sawyer Abroad Tom Sawyer, Detective and other Stories, etc., etc.  1910 Mark Twain (Clemens) “I had carefully laid out my day’s work the day before–a thrilling tragedy in the novel which I am writing.  I went to my den to begin my deed of blood.” 

These books and others are precious to me as I fondle them over and over, read a piece from this one, then that one, bring the books to my nose and sniff, untie the ribbons from around some, run my fingers over the illustrations, feel the texture of the spine on my thumb.

Thanks for the serendipity that led me to find these.  Thanks to writers, publishers, readers, sellers, churches. Mmmmmmmmm. Books. Pages. Illustrations. Captions. Stories. Essays. Binding. Books.

Poetry 2

I read poetry more than I write it. However, I have spirals of bad drunken poetry, (I know, drunken poetry, ha ha ha). I don’t remember writing it, though.

 

In the past I used being drunk to excuse my bad poetry, now, I’m crying, “It’s only first draft stuff.” That way, if you don’t like it, hey, it’s only first draft stuff. Enough with the stalling and depressing deprecation.

 

 

COURSE

 

Veins river through brown spots,

Loosing hold,

Slipping.

The mountains trained the heroes,

Inspired the trees,

Worn by water.

Soft padding grip,

Catches, holds,

Lifts.

 

 

Here is part of William Blake’s message to the public about his book of Jerusalem: The Emanation of the Giant Albion

 

“But I soon found in the mouth of a true Orator [a monotonous cadence] was not only awkward, but as much a bondage as rhyme itself.  I therefore have produced a variety in every line both of cadences and number of syllables. Every word and every letter is studied and put into its fit place: the terrific numbers are reserved for the terrific parts the mild and gentle, for the mild and gentle parts. and the prosaic for the inferior parts; all are necessary to each other.”

 

Blake amazes me. “Every word and every letter is studied and put into its fit place.”

 

Every word.

 

Every Letter!

 

 

 

Happy Poetry Month!

Robert Lee Brewer is challenging his blog readers to write a poem a day this April.

On Brewer’s blog, you may want to start with April 1st and read on through the month.

“Poetry is meant to be heard aloud in the human voice, and it is meant to be remembered.” “Poetry predates writing.” –Janet Burrowary

“Every Poem must necessarily be a perfect Unity…But when a Work has Unity it is as much in a Part as in a Whole.” –William Blake