Giving Life to Ghosts

Oh Dear Artists, Writers, Creators,

I wanted to apologize for not writing here for a while, but then I thought what vanity is that?

I care about you and your work and your loneliness and your suffering and your self anger and your incredible courage.

Each day when we come to a blank page or canvas, it’s a ghost until you give it life.   We metaphorically wring our hands: Oh where to start? And then something comes. It’s Great! It’s Crap! It’ll work. It’s a start. How clever, How vivid, How meaningful! What a pile…But stop. Then we remember our shoulds. We should be gentle with ourselves. We should be proud we started. We should write or paint or sculpt or photograph everyday. Should, should, should. Where’s the grace, the gentleness in that?

Oh my Dear Ones, it is in You. You cannot escape the Yearning. We try. I try with food, lists, to dos, and Oh please don’t tell anyone-with television. Ooooh. That’s an evil word to me, a great whip to flail myself with-the killer of drive, the waster of time, but wait, there’s more, the brain apathizer!

Eventually, we get somewhere, we get lost in our process, the Holy Canons echoing through us. Then we evaluate again. We share our work with someone else. And suddenly, we are stunned, in shock, at a loss of how to proceed. But that part was key, part of the necessary structure, how can it work? But we can’t. We can’t work. Not as an artist. I can keep jotting down reams and reams, but the heart, the yearning of the piece has buried itself, afraid of my desperate rants.

And it is so available to just be an engineer, doctor, housewife, mother, teacher, anything else but to continue to live in terror. And yet, I have to. I have to get up each day and live through my terror.

And somedays, there’s art!

This is not a should, but permission (if you care for it) to be easy on yourself. To pace and cry and scream at the universe. To remember you are precious and brilliant and if you have the yearning to create Art,  you will.

I admire you for going through such loneliness, suffering, self anger, and for having such amazing courage!

Bravo, Dear Ones! Bravo!

How to Lose your Voice

Oh, you want to know how to find your voice, or how not to lose it.

One way to do that, is to turn off others. Spend lots of time with yourself and do morning pages. Write and write and write.

Don’t read other books and especially don’t watch a series, show after show after show.

I became addicted to Spartacus: Blood and Sand. Right away the characters sucked me in. I could see what many of them yearned for and why they did the things they did. I rooted for even those at cross purposes with the protagonist, because of how hard they worked for the fullfillment of their yearnings.

But, my writing became stilted. The rhythm of each line and the words I chose and where each type of word went in a sentence mimicked this show. I didn’t just watch the two episodes that came up every week, but ended up getting the season and watching the shows back to back. When I was doing other things, I was thinking about them, feeling bad for them.

Even my voice in my emails sounded like I was a Roman who spoke strange English (not Italian) from the past. But once my character started talking like the characters in the show, I knew I had LOST MY VOICE.

I am not watching anymore, at least not until I’m between writing books again. And I’m filling out journals, writing conversations with my characters, listening to various rhythms of music.

Would it be that I had not found my voice wanting, mayhap, I would not have found my voice. Ugh. Well, I’m getting closer to being me again.

Best to you in this New Year!

Laurie Cosbey

Happy Thanksgiving!

Of course I am grateful for my family and all my friends and extended family, too. I am grateful for God in, through and all around me. I am grateful for you and your place in the world and how you decide to change that place or find it. I am grateful for many things, but I don’t want to overlook how grateful I am to my characters, Claire, Guy, Shane, Martin or to my closest support Ron Seybold and Larisa Zlatic.  Also, I am grateful to myself for showing up (when I do) to be a channel and let these characters tell me about their fascinating lives.

I don’t know what they will be doing today. Perhaps I’ll sit down and let them write what the are doing this Thanksgiving after all they went through. Just for curiosity’s sake.

Best to you and all the characters in your life, real and imagined (I know,sometimes it’s hard to tell the difference).

Happy Thanksgiving!

Laurie

 

There’s still Sunday for Texas Book Festival

The Texas Book Festival supports writers and readers of all ages. The authors address and share tidbits with writers. There’s tents for children full of science, puppets, crafts and stories. Even the Biscuit Brothers and Joe McDermott will be there.

Here’s Sunday’s Schedule.

Enjoy!

 

In Compassion and Empathy

Deepest condolences for all the losses….

I can’t breathe.
She’s upstairs and I can’t do anything more to save the downstairs. The edges of things crinkle, grow brighter, then dissolve like paper and the kitchen continues to burn. My extinguisher is empty, at least nothing comes out of it anymore. I want to throw it at the fire. I drop it, my face feeling like the sun is beating it. Loud cracklings, a chaotic committee of things screaming for voice.
I have to let go. My home. Our home. Green, brown, blue, the pictures on the walls sagging.
She is upstairs. The photo albums in the closet. Our past.
I run up the stairs, turn on the landing, the bottom of my shoes sticking, but my thighs are strong. Feet, thighs, pull, push and she is in my arms.
“Mama, you’re hot.”
The pink walls, I grab her Winnie the Pooh, she holds it tightly sensing my urgency.
Her body is so small and so heavy as we tumble into my room. The noises downstairs, hard cracking, splutters of the house surrendering in relief. I set her down by the window and pull out the metal and rope emergency ladder.
Would she have no history? No memory of this home or our joy? I force at the screen and it won’t come off.
“Mama, what’s happening?”
I bend down to her and touch her cheek. “I need your help. I can’t get the screen off. Do you want to climb down a ladder?”
“No, Mommy.” She hugs her pooh bear to her and I want only to hold her.
I push, pull. Push, pull. Shove, bang. Finally I grab the scissors from next to the remote, goodbye. I stab at the screen, finally, tearing through, metal through metal. She buries her face into the yellow bear fur.
The window clear, I let the rungs fall and hook the ladder.
“Climb on my back, Honey. Hold on tight.” She is wet against me.
The bed falls through the floor.
“Mommy.”
One thing, more. Not too far. The external hard drive on the ottoman. Goodbye.  I tuck it deep in my pocket, the memories, to give her, of our lives here. of her birth. Of how much we all love her. Of who she is.
Her arm squeezing tight against my larynx, I climb down a rung at a time.
Sirens.

Goodbye Borders

Times change. I have watched other bookstores close down. I remember how we tried in Austin to keep the mystery bookstore open on 6th street. How cozy it was to go there and listen to authors talk, like in a too small classroom set in a library, the smell of musty books, new books, old carpet. The Maltese Falcon statues, black on the counter. But the place closed and I still lived.

Now, Borders, not thought of as a small independent book shoppe, but as a large corporation including Walden Books, which has been around about as long as I’ve been alive. The Walden Books I used to duck into in malls. But they couldn’t make it any longer. Borders CEO Mike Edwards writes, “no bidders presented a formal proposal to keep our company operating as a going concern. Therefore, under the terms of our debtor-in-possession financing agreement, we presented …the proposal for firms to purchase our stores’ assets and administer the liquidation process.” Looks like they will be liquidated. Are they going to do that to people sometime. Well, you only succeeded for 4o years, but you just aren’t cutting it anymore. To the liquidation machine with you.

Going out of business sales start today, though all the Borders around me have already closed down.

Things, they are a changing. Not necessarily good or bad, but I do feel a little sad.

I’ll remember sitting in there deciding which psychology, poetry, art, home, writing books to get. I’ll remember sitting in the attached Seattle’s Best working on my novels. I’ll remember the tall, thin Mark bringing around free peppermint coffee with whipped cream samples at Christmastime. I’ll remember snagging a Lindt Dark Chocolate truffle at the counter when I bought my books. I’ll remember having the freedom to look up on the Borders computers, on my own, what I was interested in.

I’ll remember the May Mystery month meetings that were held there. I’ll remember talking with Barbara Burnett Smith, her in her tan blazer, always willing to share knowledge, advice. I helped her carry her stuff as we wove through the aisles after she gave a talk. She died on a rainy night trying to save a dog in traffic. She will never be forgotten. I will always have that picture, that video in my mind of her, there in my local Borders.

Times change.

Edwards says, “My sincerest hope is that we remain in the hearts of readers for years to come.”

Goodbye Borders. Thank you for the memories.

In love and light,

Laurie

 

Be

“Be still when you have nothing to say;
when genuine passion moves you,
say what you’ve got to say and
say it hot.”
–DH Lawrence

Free Trial at PublishersMarketplace.com

I know it’s hard to believe, but yes, you can check out PublishersMarketplace.com for free through July 4th, 2011. So for the inside scoop, Register. You are expected to give your credit card info, and, if you don’t cancel online by July 5th, they’ll charge $20 for the next month. So don’t do it if you think you’ll forget about it.

Enjoy this wonderful weekend where we celebrate the birth of our country! All that rebellion and order, the spirit and perseverence, the daring and follow through!!!!

God Bless America, my home sweet home.

Being Famous. Doing the Work.

I want to be my daughter!

She’s only five, but she’s my hero.

Last night, as I held her on my lap, rocked her in the La-Z-Boy, my arms and hands were warm against her cool legs and arms. She cried, and cried. I didn’t know why until she said, “I’m not famous and I want to be famous.” She cried more. I understand. But, where did she get that from. Me? My energy? Or the Leonardo Da Vinci book she just finished?

She said, “I’m not famous and I can’t be.” I told her she had many talents and rattled off ten or so while she sobbed. One was her violin playing.

“Is Megan(her violin teacher) famous?”

I said, “No, but she just graduated.” (Recently received her Masters).

But the one I tried to skim over, not to make too big a deal of, was the one she latched onto.

She said, “I’m going to be a famous writer. I will write 5 books a day.”

“If you practice writing books that much, you will be a famous writer. A famous author.”

And that was the end of it. She relaxed in my arms while I sang Away in a Manger and fell asleep half way through Silent Night. Or I thought it was the end of it. This morning she was on a mission to write books. She’s written books before, but not with this fervor. She asked her Grandma to tear pages from a painting note pad and me to fold them in half (book size). She counted them and after having 32 pages, she allowed us to stop our “work”. Then Grandma bound the pages together using yarn and a large embroidery needle. (I asked Mom if she’d do that for my books. She laughed.)

Here’s Wise One’s process.

She thought of a subject she wanted to write about: A character named Violet. She wrote her title on the cover: Violet by and her name. She wrote a bit about the book on the back cover: “Enjoy the adventures of Violet”.  She wrote her table of contents, including what page each chapter would start on. Then she began writing.

Nine thirtyish, I say, “Honey, time to get ready for church.”

“I’m not going. I have to write five books, today.”

Wow! Wow! Wow! The biggest secret to writing success is “NO, I have to write today.”

Did I let her stay home in her lavender nightgown and write? You’d think as a writer seeing the secret to success through her fresh viewpoint that I would, but no. I told her she could write in the car and in Sunday school. She finished a chapter, dressed. Left the book behind, grabbed a fat ball of pink yarn and her knitting needles and climbed into the car. She knitted and talked and was fine. She loved church. Afterward, Hubby and I wanted to go by a store (which she usually loves to do), but she was steadfast. “I am going home to work on my book.”

At home she went upstairs with her red pen and unfinished pages and kept writing. Two hours later, she is still writing. She actually stopped for a bit and glanced in another book for ideas. Later, I checked in on her in her room. Next to her and her book was a notebook with her writing in it. “What is that, Sweetie?”

“I ran out of ideas so I wrote there and I’m copying it in here.” So, she pulled out another notebook to freewrite in until something came up!!!!! Where did she learn this stuff?

I just peeked in her room again and she was writing “a ga i in”.  ”Oh Darling, again is spelled with one I.”

“But that’s not the rhythm I want.” She is already aware of the importance of rhythm in a large work. 

She’s written 18 pages today, so far.

She is doing the work. At this rate, she will be famous, if she still wants to be.

I have written zero pages on my book, today.

I want to be my Daughter!

Make Vacation Videos You want to see

I was just taking photos at a wedding and was amazed at how and where people decide to take pictures. Seemed so arbitrary. Whether someone is standing with the sun behind them or in dark shadow, a person with a camera will still say, “Oh yeah, stand there.” And take several dark shots.

So, I thought, maybe more people could use a little info about taking photographs or videos. When this came, I decided to pass it on. Here’s an article sent to me from Videomaker. Click Vacation Videos or read below.

FYI-I am not a great photographer or videographer so I am always looking for more information and feedback. Thanks Videomaker Magazine!

Fun and Entertaining Videos  by Jennifer O’Rourke

Vacation videos don’t have to bore your viewers – you just need to understand how to edit while you’re shooting on location.

Do you cringe when friends ask if you want to see their vacation videos? You’re a video producer and you know how to make videos entertaining. But some people have trouble making the vacation videos interesting.

Seriously, how many rock structures can one shoot, and how many castles can one show before they blend together and the viewers’ eyes glaze over? As a Videomaker reader, you know better, so here are a few quick tips to share with your friends before they head out of town. Tell them to test your tricks and that you can’t wait to see what they learned when they return. Or not.

1. Plan Before You Shoot

Before hitting that red record button, focus and compose the shot. Are you cutting off someone’s head? Does a group shot cut someone in half? Check the background – is garbage spilling out of a trash can? Can you move it? If not, can you move the subject? If not can you move the camera?

What about lighting – is the subject backlit? Can you move the light source? If not, can you move the subject or the camera?

Backlit subjects are common in vacation videos – everyone wants to get a shot of the sunset in the background of some exotic locale. Place people so they are near the side of screen with light in their faces and the sunset filling the other two-thirds of the shot. The lighting will be better balanced and you’re also practicing good rule-of-thirds composition by placing your subject on the imaginary points of a tic-tac-toe grid, rather than in the crosshairs of a rifle scope!

2. No Zoom Zoom, Please!

Just because your camera has a zoom control, doesn’t mean you need to use it for every shot. Zoom in to focus, then zoom out to compose your shot, then leave that zoom button alone!

The best shots are those where the subject decides the action, not you or the camera. If you do need to zoom, pan, tilt or use some other moving shot; start and end each shot with two seconds of non-movement. This prepares the viewer for the next shot. Try to follow the Ten Second Rule. Unless you are following something that is moving, you usually don’t need to hold a stationary shot longer than 10 seconds, your audience gets it.

3. Establish the Shot, then Get Close – Even Closer

Always start a new scene or location with a wide establishing shot of the scene. Then get some close-up shots. If it’s a wide panoramic scene of the Grand Canyon, for example, a close-up shot might still be wide, but less so, called a medium wide shot. Take it at a different angle, so it’s not just the same shot – but tighter. An even closer shot might be of some of the flora in the surrounding area. Give the viewer some variety. You’re taking a possible one-minute video, and breaking it into several ten-second shots that add more variety, angles, and examples of the same scene, just making them more interesting to your viewer.

4. Shut Up, Please!

You want to give the viewer some information, but you want to give them the full experience of the sights and sounds of the scene. If you know that you will be editing, then narrating a bit after each scene is a great way to take notes if you plan to cut it out. If you won’t be editing, and you still wish to narrate, then plan what to say so you don’t pause, hesitate, repeat, or ramble. Keep it tight, concise and narrate for the first five seconds of the shot, then let the nat-sot (natural sound) carry the rest.

While we’re on the subject of sound – the racket of hundreds of voices in a crowded market in Thailand or traffic sounds under the Arc de Triomphe on the Champs-Elysées in Paris are expected, kids screaming or horns honking at the magnificent prehistoric geological rock formations at the Garden of the Gods in Colorado aren’t. Tour an area at a time where the noise will be at a minimum. Listen to the sounds of the environment, and try to get close enough to capture them.

5. See the Beauty in Natural Light

Lighting at outdoor locations is beautiful in the early morning, or late afternoon. The shadows fall across the landscape best at these times. At full noon, everything will look flat and one-dimensional. Additionally, “Golden Time” at sunset and sunrise, is short, so plan well and set up before the sun does its magic.

Read more stories on making better vacation videos.

Jennifer O’Rourke is an Emmy award winning video editor and shooter and is Videomaker’s managing editor.